did you get engaged???
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
