Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
