my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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