i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
