Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
