why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
