i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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