i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize