So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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