omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
