Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My vagina just clenched in fear
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