We got so high we made milksteak
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
