why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The air was thick with penises
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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