Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize