I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
