my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
