my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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