problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize