WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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