It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
