I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
