Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
