so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
