Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
