before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
