Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
