One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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