First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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