Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
