i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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