hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I won the penis lottery.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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