u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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