I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
