come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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