The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
