And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
