note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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