buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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