And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's never too late to be topless.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize