shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
