i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize