She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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