your parents love me but you hate me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
