Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
