You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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