so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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