Apparently you make a good broom.
i barfeds in our rink
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
