Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
