He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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