roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
