kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
