I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize