she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
