So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
