you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
