SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize
