I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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