If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
