If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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