The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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