Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
