he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
