Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
