u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
