I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
