So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
