Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
