i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Enjoy the penises
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
