please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
