just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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