walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
